The sports world is starting to come back to life here in March and we are only a few days away from the start of the NCAA tournament. In honor of the coming madness Chad and I get on the mics and do work. This week on TOUTS we discuss what could quite possibly be the greatest piece we have written for the site. If you don’t have time to listen to the podcast, or you prefer taking in things visually, you can check it for yourself on the site. Of course you can’t talk about sports this time of year without discussing the NCAA tournament brackets, so we both give rants on how the smaller schools can help themselves get into the tournament, as well as which number one seed faces the toughest challenge in getting to the final four. We are also still trying to figure out what kind of wager we should make on the tournament challenge that Chad and I have every year, so if you have any idea’s, we’d love to read them! One final note before we get to the show, this week we are moving to a different host, but we’ll talk about that more when the time comes. Enjoy the show everyone, and please feel free to leave comments and share the article on digg, facebook, ball hype, etc.
In case you missed it, a little more than a month ago one of the last remaining 867-5309 phone numbers (made famous by the Tommy Tutone’s song) was put up for auction on ebay, with bids topping $365,000. As we were surfing the internet trying to find a new home for our website , we stumbled across someone selling the URL pertaining to the infamous song (hey, it’s got free shipping, so I’ll lay $2.99 down on it!). That got us to thinking (a stretch for us, we know) what sports websites could we purchase, market, and then re-sell for a profit (because…hey, times are tough, and we gots to get paid).
So here are the Top-40 sports-related URLs (and what we would do with them) that are available.
40. www.cappingMLB.com
For the envious small-market team that’s in all of us (except for the Steinbrenners…).
39. www.mycousinvinnydacoach.com
The sequel that no Bulls fan would ask for.
38. www.saveseattlesports.com
A virtual visitation for what used to be a thriving sports metropolis. Ya know, like when the Sonics made it to the finals (and lost) or the Seahawks made it to the Super Bowl (and lost). OR…a social networking site for all of Shawn Kemp’s illegitimate children.
37. www.blindedbytheslider.com
Because Cubs fans will never forget how much Corey Patterson sucked. Future home of disgruntled Phillies fans after Ryan Howard dips below 30 homers a season…
36. www.mannyisacancer.com
A message board for Red Sox Nation to whine about a guy that hit .347 with a 1.060 OPS in July of 2008 when he reportedly ‘quit’ on his team. The Red Sox fans should quit too…as in: quit your bitchin’!!
35. www.themanningface.com
If you don’t read Bill Simmons, this is what we’re talking about. Notice the URL for that link…whomever owns that site is light years ahead of us. Here’s an example:
34. www.barkleyforbama.com
Despite the fact he has a gambling problem and was arrested for DUI when all he was looking for was little love…we’d still vote for him if he ends up running for governor of Alabama.
33. www.kirilenkos1nightayear.com
For those that don’t know, Utah Jazz forward, Andrei Kirilenko’s wife allows him to sleep around for one night every year. Don’t believe me? I’m not kidding. But since he doesn’t take advantage of his opportunity, this site would be devoted to the women that he passes on.
32. www.crabdribblingtotherack.com
A message board for NBA referees who forgot what the hell a traveling violation was. See: James, LeBron.
31. www.knightsfoldingchair.com
Where we would chronicle videos of Bobby Knight – like this one:
30. www.findingphelpsbong.com
A daily blog devoted to a sheriff and his search for justice! Because one man’s smoking bong is another man’s smoking gun…
29. www.thesummerof10.com
Where LeBron, Kobe, Amaré, Bosh and DWade give Twitter clues as to where they want to go when they hit the open market. To be frequented by all 30 NBA GMs…well, maybe just 29 because Memphis already knows that none of these guys wanna play in Tennessee (or they’ll be located in Vegas).
28. www.thezenmasterphil.com
Aspiring coaches can go here to learn inspiring coaching techniques, such as playing the Bongo, crisis management, and pointing at the greatest player in the league with eight minutes left in the fourth quarter to get back in the game. You can also learn how to successfully date your bosses daughter.
27. www.rickeysthebest.com
Rickey Henderson admitted on Mike and Mike in the Morning that the rumor of him framing his first $1 million check was true (prompting the Oakland A’s to freak when their accounting department was off by a million), so this site would be dedicated to all of those great Rickey-isms.
26. www.thereisonlyoneLT.com
Where LT shattering Joe Theismann’s ankle is played on loop. Lawrence Taylor is the only LT (don’t give us any of this LaDainian Tomlinson crap). And remember kids, “Don’t smoke crack!”
25. www.kobedoesnotknowhowyourasstastes.com
Despite the below Shaq-rap being funny, it’s much advised not to anger The Black Mamba. See: Artest, Ron. Kobe would go here to get bulletin-board material.
24. www.fansofhockey.com
The official Facebook site for all Canadiens and the two Canadien refugees living in North Dakota.
23. www.evandersrightear.com
Where fans of the sweet science will come to voice their frustrations about the downfall of boxing. In-part due to the appetite of a cannibalistic Iron Mike.
22. www.drinkingwithdaly.com
Because nothing interests the public more than watching finely tuned athletic machines getting sloshed and hanging on hot chicks.
21. www.howeva.com
We were gonna use www.racefor19.com (for El Tigre), HOWEVA…someone mocking Stephen A. Smith has to have his own website!
20. www.pacmancapsthebottle.com
One of two things could happen on this site: Pacman could clean up his act and not suck as a player, or he could start shooting glass bottles off a ledge. Either way…we don’t really care…
19. www.shaqtastic.com
Where people can go to find his latest youtube videos, Twitter updates, and all of the Shaqisms you can handle.
18. www.detroitlionssuicidehotline.com
This page is completely blank except for the phone number to a local Detroit suicide hot-line which appears in a font size of 17 (the number of years since their last playoff win). The font will grow every year.
17. www.gregodensrockingchair.com
A site where the people that share the same disease as Benjamin Button and Greg Oden can open up and talk about themselves with others like them.
16. www.weretalkingaboutpractice.com
In an attempt to move his famous videos in the 21st century, the Tom Emanski practice tapes will be sold here for $9.99 a piece…only available on VHS.
15. www.wecanbuildonthis.com
A resumé updating website that caters to recently terminated football coaches.
14. www.donttalkaboutplayoffs.com
Will be started and maintained by the commissioners of the six BCS conferences…and the president of Notre Dame.
13. www.plaxknowsgunsafety.com
An online gun-safety school for professional athletes who feel owning a firearm, even if it isn’t registered, is a God-given (or a second Amendment) right.
12. www.vicksofftheleash.com
This site is a webcam broadcast of a PETA member stalking Michael Vick while he’s under house arrest. (No animals will be harmed in the making of this website)
11. www.coachingwithoutpants.com
From the company that brought you www.thezenmasterphil.com, the alternative take on modern coaching techniques – including how to win football games with just ten players. Pants not required.
10. www.wnbabailout.com
If the NBA is borrowing $200 million to stay afloat, you know the WNBA is going in the tank. On this site, fans can sell their WNBA swag to keep the league alive.
9. www.a-fraudinsurance.com
Where you go to sign a petition so that your favorite team never signs A-Rod…or…a site for AIG haters.
8. www.theozzietranslator.com
This site uses state-of-the-art translating software (see machine below) to figure out what the hell Ozzie Guillen is saying when he gets upset. Paid for by Chicago sports writers not named Jay Mariotti.
7. www.thecalhounretirementfund.com
“Not a dime back!” If you feel that Jim Calhoun needs cash now for an early retirement, you can donate to his cause on this site.
6. www.marvbites.com
The legendary sportscaster, Marv Albert takes his taste for high-end cuisine to new heights by offering reviews of some of the country’s finest corner establishments.
5. www.acenturyisnotenough.com
This site will remain the most popular Cubs message board until 2108…when www.twocenturiesisnotenough.com takes its place.
4. www.feardrandrews.com
A flash based computer game website where the goal is to make it through a game without one of your players having to call the famed doctor.
3. www.mickletits.com
The official site of ‘The Bro.’ If you type in the promotional code “Winged Foot” you get an extra 10% off everything on the left side of the website.
2. www.courtingea.com
Following the mass popularity of Japanese dating sims, Electronic Arts presents: “Courting Erin Andrews.” The overall points leader from this game receives a 50″ plasma TV, a PS3, this year’s library of EAs sports titles, and a restraining order signed by the lovely Erin Andrews.
1. www.thepassionofgus.com
We love us some EA…but a site devoted to Gus Johnson is what this world needs…
To check out what this post looks like on our new website, click here. The debut of the new site is set for March 18, 2009!
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Not since the glory days of Pat Riley have we seen a man dress so boldly.
After a two week break we are back with the TOUTS Podcast, and this week we have a doozy lined up for you. I do have to warn you that things start off rather heatedly and I let loose an F Bomb between the 13-15 second mark. After all, this podcast is tagged explicit on iTunes, and I tend to let the tiger out of the cage (and the genie out of the bottle) from time to time. So what can you expect in this episode?
A-Rod opts for surgery and will likely miss 6-9 weeks. Let’s just say that I am not happy about this.
March Madness is almost upon us, so Chad and I give our predictions for which teams will score number one seeds in the NCAA tournament; and ask you, the listener, to help us come up with a bet involving the tournament challenge.
There have been a number of NFL moves over the last couple of weeks and we do our best to go over them all.
I ask Chad if the NFL is letting the genie out of the bottle by getting rid of the salary cap. Chad wonders if anyone actually uses that expression in day-to-day conversation.
