Opening Day 2008 Live Blog!

By: Chad Ruter

(5:03am CDT): Live from my apartment living room in Westmont, Illinois it’s time to celebrate Opening Day 2008 between the Boston Red Sox and Oakland Athletics! Gary Thorne and Steve Phillips will have the call live on ESPN2, and not even two minutes into the pregame standup does Phillips go to bat for the A’s, saying they can beat anyone on any given day because of all of their young talent – citing Bobby Crosby. If you’re relying on Bobby Crosby, God help you.

(5:06am CDT): Brandon Moss starting in RF! Sounds like JD Drew has some back problems coming into today’s games. Talk about a horribly overpaid player. There was obviously some tampering when he left the Dodgers before last season. There is no way a player that gets injured that often walks away from $20 million guaranteed, and steps into a contract worth $75 million. Scott Boras had some under-the-table action going on.

(5:09am CDT): 329 feet down the lines…no steroids necessary in Japan! You just have to drink the Kool-aid.

(5:10am CDT): STRIKEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Then Dustin Pedroia slashes a single past Crosby into CF. Let the hit parade begin.

(5:12am CDT): Hot shot to third is bobbled by Hannahan, and can only throw out Youkilis at first. Eric Chavez never makes that error. Ewwwww…first pitch popout bt David Ortiz. High fastball over the outer half, and he couldn’t get on top of it. Here comes Man Ram. Contract year = 40 homers….all for my fantasy team!

(5:15am CDT): Flyout to RF by Manny ends the inning. Blanton threw all fastballs in that first inning. Location was pretty good, and not too much damage. Now it’s time to see Daisuke Matsuzaka throw in his homeland. He sure better pitch well, because there is no bigger homefield advantage. Solid rookie season last season for Matsuzaka, but the BoSox need more out of him with all of the injury concerns in their rotation.

(5:18am CDT): How ’bout that for efficiency. One pitch, and Travis Buck rolls over one to Pedroia. Is there anything more awkward then Dice-K’s windup? It’s like he humps the air twice before he turns and fires. Kinda creepy actually. Uhhh oh….so much for the homefield advantage…4-seamer just got blasted to downtown Tokyo. 1-0 Oakland.

(5:21am CDT): Dice-K is having the same problems in inning one that we saw all of last year. Very little command on his breaking pitches, and he throws them way to often, and his fastball isn’t good enough to be the only pitch he gets over. He served that homer up on 2-0 to a fastball that was nutted. Now he walks Barton to get to Cust…yikes.

(5:23am CDT): Varitek’s first mound visit of 2008, and Dice-K has pitched 1/3 of an inning. It’s pretty simple…breaking balls to Cust, he’s the a-typical Three True Outcomes guy. After throwing a great change-up, he threw the ball behind Cust and it hit him in the foot. This could be a long game.

(5:26am CDT): Perfect analysis by Steve Phillips. Sit on a fastball. He can’t throw anything else over the plate. Dice-K needs to stick with the fastball/change-up combo. Where the hell is John Farrell? Your Japanese phenom just loaded the bases with two walks and an HBP.

(5:30am CDT): Wow! Amazingly athletic play by Dice-K. He gives up the run, but makes a fantastic play over at first. Crosby gets the ribby, and now its 2-0 A’s.

(5:32am CDT): Why is Hannahan swinging??? Dice-K has thrown maybe five pitches over the plate, so just stand there until he throws you two strikes! Luckily Hannahan chases three strikes outside the zone. Finally! I can go get some cereal.

End of 1st – 2-0 A’s lead

(5:36am CDT): Yummmm. Bowl-O-Cheerios. Breakfast of champions baby. Nice first-pitch rip by Mike Lowell. He had a big year last year, and it was a good move by the BoSox to bring him back. Phenomenal defense and doubles power with the green monster.

(5:38am CDT): A shot of Terry “Tito” Francona shows him wearing the famous pullover that they forced off of him last year to make sure he had his jersey underneath. Apparently he just got that approved by Major League Baseball. The man has respitory problems for God’s sake! Let him wear the dang jacket. Double play ends the inning…and we get to see Dice-K walk four more.

(5:40am CDT): It’s dark outside…

(5:42am CDT): Single to center to start off the 2nd. I wonder if Gary Thorne has talked to Doug Mirabelli lately? Has anyone for that matter? Did he sign with someone after the BoSox released him last week? All these questions, and it isn’t even 6am. I better stop.

(5:45am CDT): Thorne just said Red Sox pitching coach John Farrell helped Dice-K add two pitches during the offseason. What the hell pitches would those be? A splitter in the dirt and a piped fastball? He throws every other pitch on the planet, why not get really good at three of the ones he already has. Good slider to strikeout Travis Buck, but the A’s got a steal out of the deal.

(5:52am CDT): After getting two strikes on Ellis, Dice-K walked him. Then he throws a first-pitch changeup to Barton. Throw that freaking change-up to right-handers. It’s a good enough pitch that they will swing over the top of it. Matsuzaka is into the 60-pitch range, and Julian Tavarez is getting loose. So much for a solid start from Dice-K.

(5:54am CDT): Walk…and we finally get a John Farrell sighting. Now Cust is up. He’s a fastball only hitter, hitting against a guy that can only throw his fastball for strikes. I say he’s gonna throw a change on the first pitch……..Damn…I was wrong.

(5:58am CDT): Cust strikes out on a pitch that misses inside. C’mon now ump!! I grabbed Cust in the late rounds of my fantasy draft on Saturday…you cant call that a strike! That’s a B.S. call! Your mother coul………..I’ll stop there.

End of 2- 2-0 A’s

(6:04am CDT): It’s amazing how well you can pitch in the majors by throwing a 90+ fastball with control. Blanton isn’t getting his breaking stuff over either. Ellsbury struck out on the same pitch that Cust did, and Lugo singled.

(6:09am CDT): After a hot-shot to the third baseman Hannahan resulted in an infield single…a 3-1 pitch by Blanton should’ve ended up in the RF seats to Ortiz. Instead, he bases it right into the shift for out number three. It’s amazing that he hit above .325 last season hitting the ball through 5 players on the right half of the field. Just incredible. Lay one down, big man!!

(6:12am CDT): NOTE TO EMIL BROWN – DICE-K HAS THROWN 60+ PITCHES IN THE FIRST TWO INNINGS…DO NOT SWING AT ANYTHING ON THE FIRST PITCH! The delay in getting this communication across the Pacific resulted in a pop-out on a soft curve.

(6:18am CDT): Kurt Suzuki, Oakland’s “secret weapon” lines out on a laser to Lugo. Bud Selig will join the guys in the booth for the fourth inning. If I get five questions to ask him, here’s what they would be:
1. The Mitchell Report accused a staggering number of players of using PED’s, why did the commissioners office ignore the problem for so long?
2. Did the extra money for the Red Sox coaches come out of your $13 million salary?
3. Who are you going to annoint as your successor when you retire?
4. Who is going to be the owner of the Cubs next year?
5. Why won’t you let Mark Cuban be a Major League Baseball owner?

End of 3- 2-0 A’s

(6:25am CDT): And after a one-half of an inning with Bud Selig, we learned exactly zilch – except for the fact he couldn’t sleep last night. We know he’s got magic pills, just take the damn things.

(6:28am CDT): Gary Thorne moves onto the “tough” questions. The problem is he asks the wrong one. Worded horribly to a point where Selig can wiggle out of it. Steve hits the follow-up question out of the park. He gets Selig to say what we all knew. He wanted to pay George Mitchell for something. For the baseball game, a nice quick inning by Dice-K may have bought him another.

End of 4- 2-0 A’s

(6:36am CDT): We come back for the 5th, and apparently that ended the tough question portion of our program. Selig must’ve handed Thorne the $100k he had in his pocket. Blanton is rocking through this awesome Red Sox lineup. It’s a simple formula for him: Command and control the fastball to both sides of the plate and use the off-speed pitches either on the first pitch or in two strike situations.

(6:39am CDT): My breakfast of champions just expanded to my first Mountan Dew for the day. The people at Scoutware that think I’m on a caffeine high when I’m at work. Ha, they ain’t seen nothin’ yet!

(6:40am CDT): I just called Angie Dundee, Muhammed Ali’s corner man, to run me an IV drip for this Mountain Dew. Let’s just skip me having to drink it – let’s go right to the bloodstream.

(6:44am CDT): Mountain Dew is the nectar of life!! Daisuke is starting to warm up. ‘Bout time, it’s the fifth freaking inning. Back-to-back strikeouts. Steve Phillips finally agrees with me. Matsuzaka needs to throw that change-up a lot more – maybe as frequently as a guy like Johan Santana throws it. It’s got a beautiful drop with great arm speed and some tail to it. How about a 1-2-3 inning for ‘ol Dice. He’s done for the day…

(6:49am CDT): Is Mountain Dew really the dew off of a mountain? These are questions that must be answered! Let’s see what google/wikipedia has to say…

(6:52am CDT): According to Wikipedia, “A more significant problem with Mountain Dew is the presence of High Fructose Corn Syrup [HFCS], which has been linked to liver problems. HFCS contains a sugar that–unlike glucose, which can be metabolized in any body cell–can only be metabolized in the liver. The load this presents to the liver has also been linked to cirrosis.” Welllllll, that’s a bummer. Looks like I’m going to have liver problems by age 23.

(6:55am CDT): Two on, none out and Big Papi up with a full count. Have to throw him an outside fastball with Manny on-deck.

(6:56am CDT): Papi pops out, but Manny laces a double to the LF corner. WOOOO! There’s my fourth round pick racking me up a couple RBIs. 2-2 tie. The stakes are higher for me to win this season with that unfortunate liver information I uncovered above.

(7:02am CDT): Brandon Moss hits a ribby single to give me a 3-0 lead over Luke in fantasy baseball, and a 3-2 lead for his BoSox. It’s never too early to scoreboard watch people!

(7:05am CDT): Justin, you can have my PS2 memory card to continue my Madden/MVP/Tiger Woods dominance after this cirrosis sets in- and everything else you want in my apartment. My golf clubs go back to Luke, since there his anyways. My movie collection can be dispersed among everyone….I only have about 20. My Jeep goes back to my family…God knows we always need three spare vehicles.

(7:10am CDT): Embree K’s Jason Varitek to end the threat. But the Sox have the lead back 3-2 with Dice-K in line for the win.

End of 5- 3-2 BoSox

(7:11am CDT): Kyle Snyder is a perfect middle-relief man in the majors. Can start if necessary, can go multiple innings in relief, and gets quick outs. Just as I say that, a chopped single through the middle starts the inning.

(7:13am CDT): So much for Dice-K getting the win. Hannahan mashed a nutted fastball over the RF wall. 4-3 A’s.

(7:15am CDT): Who the hell is running the cameras for this game? Jeez they zoom oddly. Must be Japanese guy with Harry Caray thick glasses.

End of 6- 4-3 A’s

(7:22am CDT): It’s the first day of the new baseball season, and I’m already depressed. This Mountain Dew news is really a downer. OK people….in an effort to live past the age of 23, this Mountain Dew next to me will be the last I ever drink! You have to help me on this one! Cirrosis turns people yellow. I don’t want to be yellow. By the way…Happy 22nd birthday to my buddy Dan Garcia. I’m here to inform you your invincibility ran out last night at midnight.

(7:24am CDT): Not only do the cameramen suck, but the audio guy is batting below the Mendoza line, and is dangerously close the Orton line. You need to turn down Gary Thorne’s mic when the outro music comes up! He’s going to drop an F-bomb regarding Steve Phillips’ mother and we’re all going to hear about it on The Duece. If that happens, he’ll be officially banished to The Ocho.

(7:26am CDT): The sun has been up for about an hour…did I mention that? Probably not…I’ve cried twice since I read that news about MD.

(7:27am CDT): After giving up a Mark Ellis warning track fly-ball for out numero uno, that’s the end of the day for Kyle Snyder. Final line: 1 1/3IP, 2ER…I betcha this will be his last trip to Tokyo.

(7:31am CDT): Side-winding lefty Javier Lopez comes in to face the lefties Barton and Cust. Barton lined out, and Cust, true to his TTO mantra….strikes out on a fastball that missed outside.

End of 7- 4-3 A’s

(7:34am CDT): It’s official: Japanese cameramen have no idea what headroom is, one guy has shaky camera syndrome, and a third zooms at two speeds, fast and ultra-fast.

(7:41am CDT): We were just told that Manny wants a six-year deal. Is he freaking nuts? He’s got two more team option years. There is no way in hell he gets that many years.

(7:44am CDT): If I drive off the interstate today…it’s because of the Mountain Dew news.

(7:46am CDT): I just burped my final Mountain Dew burp of my life. Sad sad day.

(7:49am CDT): Wow, what a catch by Jacoby Ellsbury! The probem with doing that is that it’s a perfect way to get hurt. There’s a good reason why the Red Sox haven’t traded Coco Crisp – and its because they are worried about Ellsbury playing too hard. We have our first Huston Street sighting in the ‘pen.

End of 8- 4-3 A’s

(7:54am CDT): Huston Street’s funky delivery is how he gets his outs. He also moves the ball around all over the place. Not your A-typical closer. Most guys throw upper-90’s and have one secondary pitch, Street uses a splitter and change-up that are extremely effective. Uh oh……sianara. 4-4 tie. Blown save numero uno for the Street man. Brandon Moss was a pretty solid addition to the lineup today. Two hits, a homer, two rbis, one to take the lead, and the other to tie it in the ninth.

(7:59am CDT): And with the game hanging in the balance….I have to go shower and get ready for work…just as Ellsbury tattoos one foul. Why didn’t they start this game at 4am!!!