Well Chad has been right about there not being a lot to talk about in the world of sports as of late. I know the Super Bowl is just around the corner, but you don’t need to come here and be bombarded by even more big game hype than you are already getting on every other media outlet. I’m sure we will both talk about it at length sometime next week, so there’s something to look forward to. In the word of basketball, it’s kind of same old, same old. The Celtics and Pistons are the beasts in the east (Oh lookie, I made a rhyme!) and the Spurs, Suns and Mavericks look to be the best in the west (OK, I’ll stop now). I guess I could spend a few minutes to talk about the Trail Blazers, and maybe some time in the future I will, but not today.
No today I want to talk about something that I find to be more interesting and also slightly disturbing. I’m talking about the fall from grace of ESPN’s own Dana Jacobson. Now you may know Dana from ESPN’s morning show First Take, formerly known as Cold Pizza. If you know the show but can’t pick out the face, Dana’s the one that kind of looks like a man, not the black hot one… that’s Sage… my future wife. I’ve always enjoyed Dana’s work. She knows how to mix intelligent sports talk with a kind of charm that only a six foot Amazonian women can provide. As a matter of fact, Dana’s voice is usually one the first voices I here in the morning, sometimes it’s Skip Bayless’ voice, but that’s a whole different blog altogether. In a way Dana Jacobson has become part of my daily routine. I wake up, listen to Dana talk for a couple of minutes, wait to see Sage, and get on with my day. I’d become very comfortable with this routine until last week when…
Tragedy Struck!
If you’ve been watching First Take this week then you have probably noticed that Dana has been gone all week. What you may not know is why. You see a couple of weeks ago Ms(?) Jacobson was part of a roast for famed ESPN radio hosts Mike and Mike. It was a light-hearted affair where roast-master Jeff Ross and a slew of people who worked with Mike and Mike came together to honor the pair by making fun of them. I can distinctly remember Mike and Mike mentioning how Dana would probably be the worst, as in best, when it came to roasting the two, especially if she got a couple of drinks in her first. This may have been the understatement of the year…
Now before I tell you what she said I need to clarify a few things. First, Mike Golic, one of the hosts of Mike and Mike, is a Notre Dame alum. What that means is he pretty much bleeds green and gold, and prays every night to touchdown Jesus. It’s also important to note that this roast was still an official ESPN event and ESPN is a Disney owned company, which means swearing and general acts of drunkenness are no nos. Apparently it was very evident that Dana had a few too many drinks in her when she got on stage to roast the two hosts. And as the saying goes it’s better to let people assume your plastered then open your mouth and remove all doubt… or something like that.
Well unfortunately no one had the good grace to stop Dana from talking, so she did talk, and this is what she had to say.
“f**k Notre dame”
“f**k touchdown Jesus”
and – the step-aside-because-lightning-is-about-to-strike… “f**k Jesus.”
(holding head in hands)
Oh Dana, you know better than that, don’t you? I guess this is what we get for giving alcohol to members of the boo yeah network at a function that had members of the media there covering the event. I’m going to guess that Dana was the kind of girl in college that would insist that she could drink everyone under the table, and when she got to drinking, bad things happened. You could probably guess what happened next. Notre Dame, the Catholic Church and The Disney Corporation all came down with great vengeance and furious anger. How Ms Jacobson didn’t get fired is anyone’s guess, but she did have to issue multiple public apologies and was suspended from ESPN for a week.
I think we need to go beyond that. I think we need to have an intervention. I mean we can’t have six foot tall women running around drunk in our modern society. I mean did you see the movie “Cloverfield,” we don’t want that happening in every city in this fair country do we? So please ESPN, save Dana and in the process save us all. I don’t want to be on the Internet and have to see another picture like this one ever again…
